Week 22, 23, 24 – What happened to the time?
Not 24 hours ago, I emerged from a 62 hour Silence. What an amazing feeling to know I was inaccessible. All was peaceful and I found myself spending great lengths of time pondering my new reality, engaging with my authentic self, and stretching myself through the reading of Mandino, Haanel, and Emerson.
In those hours, I found much time. Questioning how I could have so much time to be productive and yet spend so much time in quiet thought, an ‘Ah ha!’ moment appeared. Being connected electronically is a total distraction and time robber. I am embarrassed to admit, all of this is within my control – within the choices I make. There I was believing my lying self, justifying all the distraction one way or another. The worst is, I had come to believe the lie.
The gratitude I have for my time of Silence is beyond words. No beating myself up! Forward – press on.
My Silence began Thursday after I finished an encouragement meeting with an individual who was fighting her old self with her old habits to maintain the clean and sober life of her new self. I was so grateful to share a couple of skills I learned through MKE to help me persevere – not with white knuckles, but with love, joy, peace…….. Thursday evening was a bit awkward, because my husband was home. The awkwardness was on my part. He is very supportive – no doubt enjoying the quiet.
What I did this time around, to avoid the experience I had last year when I came out of my silence (See my blog Beyond the Silence 2016), was to write out a plan – readings, exercises, physical activities, and writings. I was excited and so very calm. I didn’t have to connect with anyone, but best of all, NO ONE was connecting with me! As a yellow, you would think I was antsy about not being involved in something. But I wasn’t! I was having a quiet party with myself!!!
Friday I slept in. Took my time doing my reading, making notes, and sitting for however long it took because my battery was out of my phone, so no alarm. Wow! I do not know how long the SIT was. All I know is, I was energized. There were probably more questions, but there was an assurance that all would be accomplished in the proper time. No sense of urgency but an authentic desire to press on and encourage and teach others to do the same. So, I put together a HIIT workout from memory and broke a sweat. I did catch myself counting out loud a couple times. It felt good to keep my promise.
Saturday I awoke sore!!! So, I did do a good job of putting together a workout. What do I do when I am that sore? More physical labor!!! The day started with an amazing morning with my buddies Og, Charlie, and Louise. More energy after the SIT. So, did some household services which lead to an amazing day of making my environment a harmonious place – order. And in doing all this, I had a huge revelation! It is both an observation and a validation of my growth.
There is lots of brass in my house as a result of me living in the Middle East until I was an adult. Brass tarnishes. When one has as much brass as I have, one is not enthused about polishing it. As I stated above, I was filled with energy. Next thing I know, I have taken on the largest pieces of brass – a 27 in diameter brass tray table. And I did it without reservation. DO IT NOW! Along the way I made another observation: the tarnished tray shined brilliantly after I polished it, removing the tarnish. The shine was there all the time, like my authentic self! In polishing the brass, I was removing the tarnish to allow the shimmer of the brass to be revealed. This is what continues to manifest in myself – more of my authentic self is revealed as I polish away the old habits and old beliefs. It was such an amazing discovery!!!
I became completely consumed by this revelation that I ended up polishing many more brass pieces. As my hands worked tirelessly polishing to reveal the sheen, I played over in my head the story of the Cement Buddha, the Hero’s Journey, using the power of negative feelings to promote positive outcomes, and welcoming my authentic self.
Before and after, like the tarnished becoming polished and shiny – That is all of us. We have been covered in the grim of untruth and indoctrination. The course, MKE, has been the polish. Sticking to the exercises, forming new and positive habits, fills my soul, leaving no more room for negative.
Congratulations to everyone for completing the course. I encourage you to become a lifetime member and DO IT again. It just gets better!!!
You are all beautiful and bright!!! Let yourselves shine!!!